Goodbye My Friend Sher

Sher of What Did You Eat? passed away Sunday morning of a sudden heart attack.  I don't know how to begin to memorialize her or even wrap my brain around the idea that she won't be in my life anymore.  Sherry and I have emailed or left texts for each other almost every day for over eight years.  We shared the glories and the minutia of our lives, everything from our our deepest joys and sorrows to the every day frustrations of being married, being overweight, living in our own heads, my work in the hospital, her work with the animal rehab center, what books we were reading, what movies we saw, and what a crack whore Paris Hilton looks like most of the time (one of our favorite topics, actually).  Even when I got busy with school or lately would get busy with work and be off the computer for a few days I'd always come back to a string of emails from Sherry, some serious, some light, some jokes, and some questions pondering the universe that only Sherry would think of and only I would not see as weird things to talk about.

In the hours since talking to her husband, Bob, I have stopped myself at least a dozen times from leaving off what I was doing in the moment to go to the computer to email my friend Sherry about how crappy I feel about my friend Sherry dying.  That's how big a part of my life she was.

You may laugh (or be horrified) to know that Sherry and I met on a Robert Redford fan site. We quickly bonded over our insanely obsessive need to shoot sarcasm from the hip.  Aside from the movie news and the occasional "lost" vintage RR pic, our favorite thing was sit back on the sidelines of the group and poke fun of all the women who referred to the actor as "Bob" and in a way that made it seem like they thought they really knew him or could deduce his thoughts from a photo layout.  We were generally the "bad" kids of the class who would giggle behind our hands, and occasionally screw up and send our comments to the very people we were making fun of.  So...after being sent to the "corner" several times for being "disrespectful" we finally resigned from the group (or got kicked out, I can't remember) and started our own group between the two of us.  Of course, by then we'd moved way beyond talking about Mr. Redford and spent much more time chatting about all celebs in general, our favorite books, cooking, growing up, etc.

Sherry and I had somewhat similar childhoods and eerily similar moms. Both raised in the south, we were both also the oldest and spent hours in the kitchen with our moms learning to cook, knit, and do all things domestic. We even both learned the all important southern girl trait of taking on too much, too many people, doing or being whatever was needed at the time, and feeling guilty any time we said the word "No."

One of the things I most love Sherry for is the journey we've taken together over the last decade where we have learned to know the difference between helping our families and friends and enabling them.  It's harder than it looks.  We often discussed over the last few years how much we've both changed and how that change has not only been good for us but for the people we love.  We learned together that loving people isn't always about doing for them until we're too tired to take care of our own family, taking away their own personal responsibility, or making people be what we want or need them to be.

Sherry lived in Davis, CA, while I'm in Springfield, MO.  The only time we've ever been in the same space together in real time is when we spent almost a week together in the fall of 2006. My husband and I flew into Lake Tahoe and Gene stayed there playing poker.  Sherry and Bob picked me up and took me back to California for the week.  Sherry showed me many things, places, and people she loved in her life, but mostly we just talked. We hung out in the house and her gorgeous garden, with Upsie, like old friends who'd known each other forever and don't need the trappings of tourist sites to carry on a conversation.

I will always treasure that week.  I had planned to fly back out to Davis this winter, the first of December, for Sherry's 60th birthday. We were going to get Lizz and Nancy and other friends together in a limo and go hit the town, or whatever consists of "wild" to people like us to whom turning in a library book late is considered rebellion.

Sherry often talked about starting a blog of her sister Antonia's writing.  Antonia, like my own sister, another thing we shared, had lost her way for a while but beneath her problems, Antonia was a generous and talented person whom Sherry thought the best memorial "stone" might be to publish Antonia's poems and journals as a blog. She often said that she liked the thought of Antonia always out there somewhere in cyberspace to be enjoyed and discovered by new friends.  That's exactly how I see Sherry's own blog now and I'm glad that it will be there for new friends and us old friends to read the snippets from her daily life and to have her recipes to cook to celebrate her life. 

Sherry and I discussed our favorite food blogs, chatting endlessly about how we'd do it and what we'd call ours if we decided to blog.  Some of you may not know that the title of her blog "What Did You Eat?" came from her family. She said that as long as she could remember, her family had been very foodie, and that the first question any of them asked each other when they got back from a trip was "What did you eat?"

Sherry started her blog in November of 2005 and immediately created a following of friends.  I loved everything she was doing and she often told me, when we discussed what we were working on in the kitchen, "See? If you had a blog you could be posting about that already and I could comment."  I was very interested but I also didn't want her to feel like I was crowding her space.  That was the beauty of Sherry. She was so generous she never felt that way. She wanted me to know all the joy she got from blogging.  I opened my blog in June of the next year on almost a dare from her and have never looked back.  Our blogs were just one more bond we shared that made us enjoy each other.

Someday when I arrive on the other side I expect her first question of me, once we kick off our shoes and settle into a cozy couch, to be "Good to see you Glenna.  What did you eat while I was gone?"

Goodbye, my friend.  You will be missed more than you could ever have guessed.

Comments

[Kate]

This is simply beautiful Glenna. I have been so stunned and shocked by her death. Sher was the first blogger to post a link to mine when I started blogging in 2006 and never failed to leave comments on a regular basis. I loved her enthusiasm, her love for animals and her spirit. I am sad that I never met her, but after reading your post, now feel that I know her well.

Godspeed to Sher, may she rest in eternal peace.

Kate (in the Kitchen)

[HoneyB]

I am so sorry to hear of Sherry's passing. I am happy though that you two found each other and were great friends. I didn't know Sherry or her blog until DB - but your post puts tears in my eyes, as we all lose at some point in our life. It will be the memories that live on.

[Christine]

I know first hand from Sher just how much she loved you, Glenna, and I am so very sorry for the loss of this wonderful person in your life. You couldn't have written a better post in tribute to her. Hugs to you,
Christine

[Miss Peach]

Dear Glenna! I am so sorry you have lost your dear friend so unexpectantly. I do not know you but please know that I care and my tiny kitty heart breaks for your sadness.
Many soft purrrs from Miss Peach

[Anita]

So sad to hear the news, Glenna. Thanks for a wonderful tribute and my condolences to you and Sher's family.

[Glenna]

Thank you all so very much for your kindness. I will make sure Bob is aware of your comments, Glenna

[Ulrike]

What a great loss! My deepest condolances to her family and you. What a shock, I can't believe

[Ulrike]

What a great loss! My deepest condolances to her family and you. What a shock and a great loss!

[Cape Cod Kitty]

Dear Glenna, Bob and Sher's extended family,
I am so so sad for your loss of Sher, for her family and her huge extended family in the blogoshpere. I found her near the beginning of her blog and we wrote back and forth amny times. She was always so inspiring and loving. She will be remembered in so many ways and her inspiration will live on in all of us who's lives she touched. Very recently, she comforted me as I passed through a difficult time. It is obvious that she gave herself and her talents to so many....to all her precious animal friends, as well. We were still grieving Upsie and Pumpkin!
Thank you, thank you, Glenna, for keeping us posted and sharing your beautiful story of friendship. I am sure Sher loved you very much.

[Lynn]

What a moving tribute to Sher. Thank you for giving a glimpse into your special friendship.

[Kim @ What's That Smell?]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and to her family. It's amazing how the internet has connected us with wonderful women that we would never otherwise have met.

[Julie]

This is a wonderful tribute and I'm so happy to see a picture of Sher and learn a little more about someone whose blog I've been reading for more than two years.

I always enjoyed Sher's wit and humor, and thought she was such a good writer. I also admired her wildlife rehabilitation work. She was a wonderful, warm person, and if her loss leaves such a big hole for me, I can't begin to think of what a huge loss it is for you, and for her family.

[Willow]

I did not know Sherry or her blog but you wrote such a moving tribute to her that I feel that I did. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[bee]

i am sorry that sherry is no more. thank you, glenna, for this glimpse of your beautiful friend. hugs to you.

[Rachel]

Glenna, Thank you for your beautiful writing about Sher and what she meant to you. I'm sorry for such I huge loss.
We will all miss Sher.

[Cynthia]

Oh Glenna, my heart goes out to you and Sher's family. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[kitchenMage]

Glenna, I am wiping tiny tears as I read this and the comments. I lurked on both of your blogs - and am now wishing I'd commented on Sher's more often.

[Lori]

I am so sorry. What a loss. I can totally related to going to the blog to tell your best friend about your best friend that passed away. My thoughts are with you and you know what I think this news just kicked my ass. She looks like me and well I have that weight problem too.

[Sheryl]

Glenna,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I knew Sher through our time together writing for Well Fed, and she had such a fun, sweet spirit - she was such a pleasure to work with. I loved her emails about her work the squirrels she would take in, and of course, the weekly pictures of Upsie on her blog.

The news of her passing so suddenly has been quite devastating to me - I always looked forward to her posts.

My condolences to you and her family. She was a wonderful woman and I will miss her very much.

[Nerissa]

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.I will miss her very much

[barbie2be]

i am so sorry for everyone's loss. sher was a wonderful friend.

[Beverly Dixon]

So very sorry for the loss of your dear friend, but, it sounds like you both were such blessings to each other. I really understand how blogging friends become so important to you. I have some of them myself and cherish their presence in my life. I am thankful you both got to know each other. It sounded like a blast!!!

[Julie]

This is a lovely tribute, and I'm glad I followed the DB link to it. Thank you for sharing your memories of Sher--she truly was a wonderful person!

[Pasticerra]

I am so sorry to hear this. I wish for you some peace and comfort in the knowledge of all that you shared over the years and the texts. Making it even more important for me to remember to live every day like it's the only one you get.

[Cakelaw]

Glenna, thanks for sharing this wonderful tribute to Sher with us.

[Elizabeth]

Glenna,

I just found your site through blogher and I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Friendships like the one you had with Sher are so very rare. Your post is a wonderful tribute...well done.

[Sally]

Beautiful tribute, this is devastating news.

I used to read her blog very often, made plenty of her recipes.

very sorry

[Wandering Chopsticks]

Glenna,
That was a lovely tribute. I only "met" Sher once when I hosted WHB last month and she sent me such a lovely note. I only wish I had discovered her blog sooner.

[cookiecrumb]

I'm very sad for you, Glenna. I remember the week you spent with Sher. I was jealous of your deep and immediate bond, and still I celebrate the fact that you and she had such a loving friendship.

[Shannon]

Glenna, this is fantastic. Thank you so much for letting us who knew her a little bit feel like we know her so much more now. She was such a supporter of my little blog and in turn, I made such wonderful food from hers. I wish I'd let her know just how many of her recipes I put to use. My heart is sore. She will be dearly missed. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Glenna.

[anne]

Glenna -

A beautiful, beautiful tribute to a bright and shining soul.

I was able to talk to Sher once on the phone about a month and a half ago or so - I felt as though I was talking to a celebrity. She had a lovely laugh. I am so very, very glad I was able to speak with her.

She and I exchanged emails now and then over the past year; she was always thoughtful, funny, and wise.

I cannot believe she is gone. My heart aches - for you and for all of us. What a terrible loss. Like others above, though, I think she's up there now with Upsie and Sundance, smiling down at us all in our gardens and kitchens.

Thank you for this memorial to her.

[Michelle]

I had not heard of your friend Sher until today, but wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I am from the Joplin area and think it is so cool how you two met and became friends. My heart goes out to you and all of Sher's friends and family.

[Sue (coffeepot)]

Glenna I am so sorry.

She always made me laugh with her cat blogging and inspired with her food.

[Baking Soda]

Glenna, what a wonderful tribute to a wonderful friend. Take care, Sher is in our hearts and minds.

[Butta Buns]

I've been away for the past two weeks and can't believe what I'm reading. Thank you for letting us know and also posting a picture of her. She had such a wonderful smile and we haven't seen it until now. Hugs to you!

[Glenna]

Thank you, everyone. I so wish Sher could see this all this love. She's so modest she would have been flabbergasted but secretly she would have been pleased. I'm sure. Thank you so much.

[Mrs Ergul]

This is a lovely tribute. I have recently lost a friend 2 months ago, I regretted not spending time keeping in contact. At least you 2 have been really close throughout the years. Take care.

[miriam]

i'm so sorry to hear of Sher's passing. you did a great job describing the relationship you had. it reminds me when i lost my sister---the void is still there. after her passing i started a memorial garden which has turned into a very healing experience. if you would like to see the beauty that she sends me in the form of flowers take a look at http://www.mysisterdalesgarden.com i'm sure dale would want to share the photos with you and sher.

all the best,
miriam

[whaleshaman]

Dear Glenna,

It seemed like yesterday that you two visited and went to Napa.

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a special friendship you had. Thanks for sharing your memories.

d

[Paz]

Beautiful tribute.

Paz

[Susan from Food Blogga]

Glenna, I am heart-warmed to know that you and Sher shared a close bond. Thank you for the lovely tribute.

[the chocolate lady (eve)]

Glenna,
Thank you for this moving witness to a wonderful person and a beautiful friendship. I will miss Sher. May her memory be a blessing.

[JennDZ_The LeftoverQueen]

I am so sorry to hear this tragic news and I am so sorry Glenna for the loss of your beloved friend.

[Lien]

I just returned fromm holidays and found this very bad news on my PC about Sher. Thanks for telling about her, for unfortunately I hardly had the chance to get to know her better in the short time of the Babes. Thinking about you too!

[Barbara]

Glenna, I just found out about Sher today and I'm reeling from the news. She was such a wonderful person. Your tribute brought tears to my eyes.

And for one of the few times in my life I am at a loss for words on how to convey how I feel. Sadness, sympathy for friends and family, and asking myslef if i need to re-evaluate my life. I had a mild heart attack 5 years ago. This could have easily been me. Maybe this is my wake up call to get myself back on track, lose some weight and take my health more seriously. If so, then I hope that Sher will look down and watch over me.

[nags]

:(

[Mimi]

I know I am late to the table here, but I cannot tell you how sorry I am for your loss, Glenna.

[kittie]

What a beautiful tribute to Sher, you were both so lucky to have had each other for those 8 years.

[LACEY]

IM SO SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR LOSS, GLENNA! BEAUTIFUL TRIBITE OF YOUR FRIEND.

[Bellini Valli]

Sadly this is the first time I had ever had the opportunity to visit Sher's blog and it saddens me that the blogging world has lost a creative and kindred spirit. This post is a loving tribute to her as well as all the other support and kindness from her friends. She will clearly be missed.