Goodbye My Friend Sher

Sher of What Did You Eat? passed away Sunday morning of a sudden heart attack.  I don't know how to begin to memorialize her or even wrap my brain around the idea that she won't be in my life anymore.  Sherry and I have emailed or left texts for each other almost every day for over eight years.  We shared the glories and the minutia of our lives, everything from our our deepest joys and sorrows to the every day frustrations of being married, being overweight, living in our own heads, my work in the hospital, her work with the animal rehab center, what books we were reading, what movies we saw, and what a crack whore Paris Hilton looks like most of the time (one of our favorite topics, actually).  Even when I got busy with school or lately would get busy with work and be off the computer for a few days I'd always come back to a string of emails from Sherry, some serious, some light, some jokes, and some questions pondering the universe that only Sherry would think of and only I would not see as weird things to talk about.

In the hours since talking to her husband, Bob, I have stopped myself at least a dozen times from leaving off what I was doing in the moment to go to the computer to email my friend Sherry about how crappy I feel about my friend Sherry dying.  That's how big a part of my life she was.

You may laugh (or be horrified) to know that Sherry and I met on a Robert Redford fan site. We quickly bonded over our insanely obsessive need to shoot sarcasm from the hip.  Aside from the movie news and the occasional "lost" vintage RR pic, our favorite thing was sit back on the sidelines of the group and poke fun of all the women who referred to the actor as "Bob" and in a way that made it seem like they thought they really knew him or could deduce his thoughts from a photo layout.  We were generally the "bad" kids of the class who would giggle behind our hands, and occasionally screw up and send our comments to the very people we were making fun of.  So...after being sent to the "corner" several times for being "disrespectful" we finally resigned from the group (or got kicked out, I can't remember) and started our own group between the two of us.  Of course, by then we'd moved way beyond talking about Mr. Redford and spent much more time chatting about all celebs in general, our favorite books, cooking, growing up, etc.

Sherry and I had somewhat similar childhoods and eerily similar moms. Both raised in the south, we were both also the oldest and spent hours in the kitchen with our moms learning to cook, knit, and do all things domestic. We even both learned the all important southern girl trait of taking on too much, too many people, doing or being whatever was needed at the time, and feeling guilty any time we said the word "No."

One of the things I most love Sherry for is the journey we've taken together over the last decade where we have learned to know the difference between helping our families and friends and enabling them.  It's harder than it looks.  We often discussed over the last few years how much we've both changed and how that change has not only been good for us but for the people we love.  We learned together that loving people isn't always about doing for them until we're too tired to take care of our own family, taking away their own personal responsibility, or making people be what we want or need them to be.

Sherry lived in Davis, CA, while I'm in Springfield, MO.  The only time we've ever been in the same space together in real time is when we spent almost a week together in the fall of 2006. My husband and I flew into Lake Tahoe and Gene stayed there playing poker.  Sherry and Bob picked me up and took me back to California for the week.  Sherry showed me many things, places, and people she loved in her life, but mostly we just talked. We hung out in the house and her gorgeous garden, with Upsie, like old friends who'd known each other forever and don't need the trappings of tourist sites to carry on a conversation.

I will always treasure that week.  I had planned to fly back out to Davis this winter, the first of December, for Sherry's 60th birthday. We were going to get Lizz and Nancy and other friends together in a limo and go hit the town, or whatever consists of "wild" to people like us to whom turning in a library book late is considered rebellion.

Sherry often talked about starting a blog of her sister Antonia's writing.  Antonia, like my own sister, another thing we shared, had lost her way for a while but beneath her problems, Antonia was a generous and talented person whom Sherry thought the best memorial "stone" might be to publish Antonia's poems and journals as a blog. She often said that she liked the thought of Antonia always out there somewhere in cyberspace to be enjoyed and discovered by new friends.  That's exactly how I see Sherry's own blog now and I'm glad that it will be there for new friends and us old friends to read the snippets from her daily life and to have her recipes to cook to celebrate her life. 

Sherry and I discussed our favorite food blogs, chatting endlessly about how we'd do it and what we'd call ours if we decided to blog.  Some of you may not know that the title of her blog "What Did You Eat?" came from her family. She said that as long as she could remember, her family had been very foodie, and that the first question any of them asked each other when they got back from a trip was "What did you eat?"

Sherry started her blog in November of 2005 and immediately created a following of friends.  I loved everything she was doing and she often told me, when we discussed what we were working on in the kitchen, "See? If you had a blog you could be posting about that already and I could comment."  I was very interested but I also didn't want her to feel like I was crowding her space.  That was the beauty of Sherry. She was so generous she never felt that way. She wanted me to know all the joy she got from blogging.  I opened my blog in June of the next year on almost a dare from her and have never looked back.  Our blogs were just one more bond we shared that made us enjoy each other.

Someday when I arrive on the other side I expect her first question of me, once we kick off our shoes and settle into a cozy couch, to be "Good to see you Glenna.  What did you eat while I was gone?"

Goodbye, my friend.  You will be missed more than you could ever have guessed.

Comments

[Tara]

I was totally shocked when I read this post, Glenna. Sher's blog is one of my favorites and I'm so stunned at the suddenness of it. I'm so sorry you've lost such a good friend

[DaviMack]

I'm sorry for everyone's loss. I've only known Sher via her blog ... but I'll miss her.

[Rosa]

So sad... I am ever so heartbroken.

I'll miss her!

[Kathy]

What a loving tribute to your friend...it's clear how much she meant to you and how much she will be missed. And all to scary! I'm turning 59 in a few days and I think this is the stage of your life when you begin to feel all too mortal and to see someone so vibrant looking taken down at 60 just strikes too close to home. Thank you for this post and I hope you will be comforted by those surrounding you. It's hard to lose a friend.

[Lisa]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Glenna. Sherry was a wonderful gal and I really enjoyed getting to know her through her blog.

She will be missed tremendously.

You're in my thoughts and prayers!

xoxo

[breadchick]

Glenna,

What a moving and fine tribute to a fantastic woman. Sher will be greatly missed in all the circles she traveled.

Your and Sher's fellow Bread Baking Babe,
Mary

[Ivonne]

Glenna,

I am beyond words. I could not believe the tragic news of Sher's passing. I've known Sher for quite some time as we both started our blogs around the same time. I always knew her to be a generous and sweet person with a love of food and animals. Reading your post has been such a comforting thing. I'm so happy to hear that Sher meant so much to so many (how could she not?!). Please pass along my condolences to her family and let them know that she was a one-of-a-kind sweetheart whome I will always remember.

[Ann]

Lovely tribute. I have read her blog often and know that she will be missed.

[Tish]

What sad and shocking news :( I've read What Did You Eat? every so often and Sher sounded like a great person and I enjoyed reading about her cooking and pets. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, she will be very missed. *hugs*

[Veron]

This is really very sad news. This is a great tribute. Hugs!

[Kristen]

I did not know Sher other than through her blog, but I do know that her death has left a huge void in many peoples hearts. I am truly, truly sorry for your loss of such a wonderful friend. You, your family, her family, and all those close to her will be in my prayers.

[Dianne]

You wrote a lovely tribute to your friend. She sounds like an amazing person. You and her family are in my thoughts.

[jasmine]

Oh my dear...beautifully written and your love for her shines through.

The real world and foodblog world is a little less kind.

Hugs, warmth and support,

jasmine

[ilva]

Thank you Glenna for letting us know Sher better, I already knew she was a generous and loving person with a great sense of humour but reading your wonderful post makes her remain even more alive to me! Big hug! I will be thinking of both of you.

[Michelle]

I did not know Sherry but I was just on her blog for the first time earlier this week.

What a wonderful tribute to a forever friend.

[Tartelette]

Glenna, this is a wonderful tribute to Sher. I fell in love with her personality the minute I read her book and was proud to be a DB with her.
She will always be remembered with love by this commnubity.

[Tartelette]

This is a wonderful tribute Glenna. My deepest condolances to her family and you. It was wonderful to get tot know her through the DB and I feel a little better for having been part of her life in some very small way.

[katie]

What a wonderful tribute Glenna. It was such a shock to hear... It seems so impossible...
My sympathy for the huge gap she has left.
And big hugs from me, too.

[Albany Jane]

Glenna, I am so sorry for your loss.

[Jenny]

What a wonderful tribute Glenna, honest and heartfelt, what a tribute should be. Sher will be missed very much, it will be difficult not seeing her site update with a new post, especially on reveal day.
Hugs and kisses to you, and her family, with love and sympathy.

[Colleen]

Awww Glenna, I'm so sorry!! Obviously I never knew her, but I'd always see her posting first after your latest blog. I always thought she must have been a great friend of yours. We'll bring Lucy by - you can smell her - smelling babies always makes me feel better. Unless she pooped first. Ok, I'll make sure she's had her diaper changed beforehand. I'm so sorry for the passing of your fellow foodie blogger, and dear friend.

[jenny]

How sad. I always loved to hear about the animals and Sher's life. I'm so sorry.

[Astrid]

A wonderful tribute to a great woman.
I am still in shock and can't believe she is gone forever. He blog was on my daily blogroll and there was seldom a day when I did not pop in to look 'bout any news from her.
we had a lose email friendship over the years since I started my foodblog but every single one of her mails was precious to me as the y were always so full of life and she always managed to put the smile back on my face!

You know what?
She is there sitting above us playing and cuddling with Sundance and Upsie smiling at us. Close your eye. Can you feel her smile? It's there!

[MyKitchenInHalfCups]

Glenna, I so happy to better know your friendship with Sher. I enjoyed her so much, felt like we were starting such a fun time. I loved talking to her about bread, she had tremendous and infectious enthusiasm for it. I'm going to miss her with every loaf I bake.

[Kalyn]

Glenna, what a lovely tribute to Sher. Thanks for sharing your memories of her with the rest of us. I know she touched many people's lives in a postive way. I first got to know Sher through Weekend Herb Blogging, and for several years I've considered her one of my best "blog friends." I had tried for two years to get to meet her in person when I was in California, but it never did work out, something I will always regret.

[HotMBC]

Wonderful tribute to Sher.
*hugs*
Robyn

[sammawow]

Glenna, this is such a wonderful post about your friendship with Sher. I have been enjoying her blog for a few years now and am so saddened by her passing. I feel that Upsie and Sundance are all snuggled up with Sher now. My heartfelt condolences to you and her family.

[peabody]

I just heard about this. I am so in shock.
I'm so very sorry thay you lost such a close friend. How lucky were you to have gotten to spend time with her in real life.
Just another case of showing us to appreciate each day we have with the people we love and care about.

[Mary]

This is such sad news. I lurked on Sherry's blog and cooked a few of her recipes. And you have posted such a beautiful and touching tribute to her. My sincerest condolences.

[Sara]

I am so very sorry for your loss Glenna. Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful memories of Sher with us. My condolences to Sher's family and yours. She will be missed.

[Monique]

Dear Glenna,
I wish you all the strenght a friend needs when her best friend passes away .Thank you for letting me know Sher a little more by your lovely words and a picture of her. There will be an empty seat in the backrow of our BreadBakingBabes -classroom forever.

[Görel]

Unfortunately, I didn't get to know Sher other than during a brief period in the group of Bread Baking Babes. However, I treasure the bread recipe that she brought to us from "The Bread Baker's Apprentice" and that I now use more or less as a reference. I was also perplexed by she having a heart attack, since I had thought Sher to be quite young -- don't know why, but perhaps from her young spirit.

Anyway, many thanks to you, Glenna, for letting me and others know a little more about Sher. This was indeed a very beautiful story and yet totally without sentimentality. Which, after having heard your story, I would presume Sher wouldn't care much about!

So sorry for your loss, Glenna, and many condolences to her family.

[Judy (Judy's Gross Eats)]

What a lovely tribute to Sher. Her kindness and humor will be missed.

[Merav]

I'm so sorry to hear of Sher's passing. This is a beautiful tribute to a dear friend.

[Karina]

You've a written such a beautiful and meaningful tribute- my heartfelt condolences. I only knew Sher from her blog. She will be missed.

[Andrea]

You've written a beautiful memorial of her, and it's so easy to see how you two became close friends. Sher will be missed.

[courtney]

Im so sorry you lost a good friend. I know exacltly how you feel. I was somewhat familair with Shers blog through the Daring Bakers. It is so hard to come to terms with something so sudden. Just cherish your memories and good times and know she will always be with you.

[Courtney]

Glenna- this was a beautiful post to give a memorial a beautiful friend. I had Sher on my blog reader and fully enjoyed her writing. She will be greatly missed.

[Peter]

I was shocked and still saddened when I got word of Sher's death.

My deepest condolences to those in her life and after reading more about Sher here, I know you now have an irreplaceable void in your lives.

[Cate O'Malley]

Total and utter shock. Glenn, a beautiful tribute to a wonderful friend.

[Cate O'Malley]

Total and utter shock. Glenna, a beautiful tribute to a wonderful friend.

[Alanna @ A Veggie Venture]

Dear Glenna, I knew you and Sher were friends but didn't know, until now, that your friendship long preceded and surpassed your blogs. Stay safe for now in your cave, but come out again soon, okay? Maybe you can feed the squirrels, in her memory. xo

[Alpineberry Mary]

Glenna, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sher will be missed by all. Sending a big hug to you and to Sher's family.

[nika]

so beautiful, you speak wonderfully for your friendship and for Sher... one can only hope for the same in our lives (I know I do nto have a blog buddy like you all, its a precious rare thing!)

Thank you for sharing (now I have to stop crying at work)

Nika

[Gabi]

Oh Glenna- my heart breaks for such a senseless loss. I only have known Sher through the DBs and thought her delightful. I know she will be missed and I send my love and hope for the blessing of comfort to you, to her other friends and most of all to her family. Bake on Sher! xxooxxooxx

[Genie]

Amazing tribute, Glenna -- this had to have been so hard to sit down and write, not because you don't have millions of wonderful things to say about Sher, but because I can only imagine how shocked and grieving you are. Thank you for sharing the memories, and my condolences for a tragic, tragic loss.

[TexanNewYorker]

Glenna, this is, as everyone else has said, a wonderful tribute to Sher and your friendship with her. I'm saying a little prayer for you and her family and all the many, many people who must be deeply feeling this loss right now.

[barbara]

Glenna this is a lovely tribute to Sher. I did not know her but I can see was very special. My condolences to you and her family.

[sam]

Thank you for sharing your memories of Sher with us, Glenna. Thinking of you at this sad time.

[Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)]

I'd not heard of your friend Sher until I read the notice on BlogHer's main page. (This is how I found you, too.)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Rebecca