Another Cake I should have said "No"

Let's take a little walk down memory lane. I liked this cake, although it didn't photograph as well as I would have liked. The middle looks flat but it's from the flash on the camera. In person, it looked like a small basket filled with pansies.

This is was an engagement cake, I believe. I don't remember the exact occasion, I just remember who it was for.  Our friend,  Corbin's, soon-to-be ex-wife.  They went to court Wednesday to have the judge sign the papers. You can read about that here.  I always dreaded making cakes for her because she always wanted a "deal" but the only deal she liked was "free".  She was (I like talking about her in the past tense, by the way, it makes me smile) one of those people who loved getting freebies and bragging about getting freebies but if anyone asked her or her daddy (not a great, in our opinion, commercial contractor) for any freebies she'd lambast them for being so uncouth as to ask a working man for a deal, after all, her daddy works hard and he can't afford to give away anything for free. 

It's not only nice on our part, but a privilege of knowing them that makes it a requirement in being "friends" with her and her family to provide all the services we can to them for free.

Geez, I never knew how cathartic spilling a little venom on these pages could be. :-)  Don't get me wrong. I don't hate her. Well, I do hate her for the hell of a marriage she put our friend through and I do despise her for the way she uses their kids as pawns, but as far as the cake stuff, I'm just thrilled that she's out of my life and I love all the memories of her because we all know she's going to appear in many of my stories in bits and pieces over the years.  That's how I view people who are a true pain in my kiester.  God gave them to me to be used as writing tools.  Isn't He nice?

Okay, back to the cake story.  She ordered the cake and I don't remember her exact design instructions, only that they were very loose. Something like "floral and pretty" and that she didn't want any writing on it so I had a free hand which usually means for prettier cakes if someone's not dictating to me.  At the time she ordered it, she hinted and cajoled and tried to poor mouth me into giving it to her for free.  For her, never.  I never comped her cakes because her attitude and whining and trying to make me feel like a mean person always made me mad.  I usually offered to let her go buy it from a bakery instead of feeling the need to support my business but that usually offended her, after all, at a bakery she'd have no chance at all of getting it for free.

Like I said before, I don't remember the occasion exactly but I know it was for a family member, like a cousin, and I think it was an engagement.  She picked up the cake, paid for the cake, took the cake to her family function, and I remember her saying they ate every bite and that the guests at the party, including the gal it was made for, really liked it.  But when she called and told me all that the next day, she also told me that she thought I should give her all her money back because SHE didn't like it.  She thought it tasted great and she told that everyone at the party thought it was pretty but SHE thought it was "busy and not balanced".  Her reasoning was that since she didn't think it was as pretty as everyone else did, she was sure that since I was her friend I would want to comp the whole thing to please her. 

I pretended I had no idea what she was talking about and openly asking for so I focussed on the other comments and kept saying "I'm so glad they liked it!" and completely ignored the "I want my money back" part. I'm pretty sure this was the last cake I baked for her.  If I remember right, after any time she needed a cake I was already booked up or not taking cake orders that day.

I've ranted about this before but I personally never do that to a friend who has a business. I support my friends and I pay full rate.  If it's appropriate, I tip their employees well. I would never ask for a free deal on the basis of my friendship with someone. My theory is that they are my friends and I want to be a friend to support their dream, not be a user and rip them off.  Now I did comp a lot of cakes. I did, until my hands got so messed up, frequently volunteer to decorate cakes for parties I was attending or whatever.  I think it was the gal's attitude that annoyed me so much. My genuine friends didn't try to force me into giving them freebies and when I did, they were always sweet and appreciative.  This gal's attitude was that if I was her friend (acquaintance is all I'll cop to) then I owed it to her to give her free cakes any time she wanted them and she was never interested in making it easy on me by letting me use supplies on hand.  On this cake she was laid back, but usually it was about her dictating some monster complicated design, getting it for free, and then her hardly even saying thank you to me.  It was like an unwritten price for knowing her that you were her slave to command, and woe unto you if you did not fulfill her needs, desires, and whims of the moment because then you were railed on that  you "abandoned" her and "weren't meeting" her needs.

Wouldn't you love to be married to that piece of work?  Yes, I am thrilled by the divorce and the fact that I haven't had to associate with her for almost two years now. I get on my knees every night and am grateful in my prayers for that.

So what do you think?  I don't mind if you don't like pansies or if the colors aren't your favorite, or whatever, but does anyone see what she meant by "too busy" and the design being "unbalanced"?  Or was I right in assuming she was grasping at straws to find something to complain about to try to guilt me into comping it for her?  (Yeah, I am sort of playing you for compliments but mostly I'm turning it around as a point--that she was working overtime to get something free from a friend and I find that repulsive.)

What about the friend thing?  Do you guys expect to always get freebies from friends in business?

Comments

[Kristina Green]

When I see a cake that is wonderful and beautiful like this one I always have this gigantic urge to put my finger in a spot to lick the icing off my finger...the only perk I look for when I have a friend who is in the cake decorating business is to be able to come over and lick the icing out of the bowls when they are done. This helps me with the other urge mentioned before. I do admit that I have mooched a couple of beverages from you from time to time :) -K

[Glenna]

I smile at the thought of you dipping a finger in the frosting! That's so fun that you still have that child-like cake wonder. And you've never bummed a few drinks. Yes, I have bought you a couple of drinks over the years but that is being friends. You've bought for me too. What I'm talking about is people, this person in particular, who takes and takes anything she can wheedle for free, using and abusing her relationships and welcome. That's not the same as the give and take of a normal friendship where people do nice things for each other out of love.

[cookiecrumb]

My first thought on reading this was of a couple I know that eventually divorced; we "kept" the husband and ditched the hideous wife socially. Just like you.
Then I remembered why I disliked this woman so much: She was a fiend for bargains, yep, going so far as to gouge me out of free stuff. Only once, though. I put a stop to that.
OK. The cake? All I'd say is "More flowers!"
:D

[sher]

Not only do I not expect friends to do stuff for free--I get nervous when they are the ones who suggest doing something for free for me. When I was an attorney, it was interesting how many people would pick my brain to get free legal advice. Not just a few questions, but long involved blow by blow details that they would have had to pay for in a consultation. There was one guy, a doctor, who did this to me all the time. Essentially, he always called me to get free legal advice. Then one day, I woke up with some minor complaint and happened to mention to him that my ear hurt or something like that. He was so offended that I was asking him for some kind of free medical opinion! (I think you know who this person is.) I never gave him free legal advice again. Reciprocity, baby. If it ain't there, I ain't gonna give you any free advice.

And the cake is gorgeous! Just gorgeous! I love it. And the person you're talking about is an ass. So glad Corbin is rid of her.

[tom]

The cake looks beautiful, and that harpie sounds like one egotistical shrew with a grossly overinflated sense of self and an unbelievable level of entitlement. If she had an issue with the cake she should have mentioned it immediately upon receipt of the cake, and not after everyone (including her no doubt porcine self) scarfed it all down. It doesn't matter if she were friend or family, common courtesy would demand that she behave other than she did.
It's amazing how tacky people can be.

[Glenna]

Sher--YES! Isn't that funny how the very people who demand the most give the least back. And you're right. She, and people like her, are asses.

Tom--Absolutely. Your first sentence says it all. And obviously she didn't have a problem with the cake, and even had she, it wasn't like she gave me any specific instructions so it's a little late to start giving specific criticisms based on her personally preferences in design. Plus, what hostess gets mad when all the guests and person of honor are happy? People are strange!

[Auntie Miranda]

Lawsie, girl, it was ANGIE! You act like she should act like a normal person. Ain't nothing normal in her. And you never told me you could make pansies - they're my favorite! Love, you, precious!

[Glenna]

Auntie--Good to know! And yeah, you're right. Consider the source. That woman never acted like a normal person one day in the whole 16 years I knew her.

[Alanna]

My uncle's "bait and tackle" shop also sells a FABULOUS FUDGE. When any of ask, jokingly because we know Uncle Marv, for a deal, his standard answer is, "Sure, I'll give you the family rate."

The family rate? That's retail plus 20%.

Now there's a "deal" for your friend.

[Glenna]

Alanna--LOVE the "family rate!" That's hilarious.

[mirna]

that cake isn't the greatest. it's okay for a beginner i supoose but the choice of flowers and the arrangement is left much to be desired. the centerpiece does look too busy. your handiwork ie the finishing isn't neat and smooth. BUT if you charge cheapo not like the professionals charge then i guess it's okay.

[Jennifer]

That cake isn't the greatest?

When people say that sort of thing, I always wanna scream, "So, show us yours, babycakes." I mean, really. If you're on Ace of Cakes, fine. Impress me with one you've made...all by yourself.

I am always amazed when people have nothing better to do than say something mean, and then spell things incorrectly while doing it...which simply makes them look bad (on two counts) to the rest of the world. Although, most people who do that sort of tacky thing don't sign their real name, either.

I wonder, though, do posters of nasty comments get a happy little pleasure out of it at the moment and then, sometime later, have the decency to feel bad about sniping?

[Glenna]

Jennifer--I don't get it either but I guess she's entitled to her opinion. But hey, then again, I don't respect people who are willing to be snotty without being willing to give their real name/email address.