Stumble It!
Two New Cakes and a Lesson Learned
Before I get to the cakes I'm going to wax philosophic for a moment because I know there have got to be people who relate to this. My whole adult life I've suffered from a triad of needs: the need for perfection, the need to people please, and the need to feel like I gave my best or it doesn't count. Nothing wrong with any of those things theoretically but in practice what happens is I used to be one tired, resentful woman most of the time. Up until the last couple of years whenever I did anything for anyone, like a birthday party for my nieces I'd go apeshit, quite frankly. I'd plan too much, spend too much, do too much work. I'd spend hours and hours worth of my time and energy that didn't need to be spent OR I'd lose perspective on what was appropriate. Nothing wrong with giving of the best of yourself. That's good. But what I had no concept of was how to give appropriate based on MY NEEDS too and I fell into a very wasteful way of thinking that if I didn't kill myself creating something perfect then my effort didn't count. All of nothing. The flaw in my logic is obvious now but for many years all I could see were those three needs for perfection, pleasing people, and giving until my fingers bled (figuratively).
Also, up until a couple of years ago when it came to favors and anyone asking anything of me, I didn't know how to say "no". It just wasn't in my vocabulary. Not only would I say yes I'd put all other considerations aside. I'm trying to think of some good examples. I think there are so many my brain can't come up with details. Let's just say the situation has repeated itself many times and usually goes like this: a friend asks for a favor of a cake, for example. Not only did I say yes even though I didn't really have the time, I decided that it had to be from scratch even though the person wasn't asking for or expecting it to be from scratch. Then the decorations would be complex and over the top instead of just something simple that would be fine. The end result was that by the time I delivered the little favor, I would be exhausted, had used up every bit of free time I had away from work, and I resented the person for MY CHOICES while the person who asked the favor had no idea that I was angry at myself for saying yes, had no idea how much time or money I'd spent on the thing. The person was just happy to have a cool cake. So the next time they needed a cake favor, who did they call? And who now unreasonably felt obligated and the need to do something even more complicated and "cool" and resents that person even more just for asking?
It's a bad cycle and I have only myself to blame. A couple of years ago I finally started taking responsibility for myself and started saying "no" when I didn't have time or simply didn't want to and guess what? I found that the world doesn't stop revolving and nobody hates me because I didn't bake a cake or do some other kind of favor.
Don't get me wrong. I still like to do things for my friends and family. I'm not a toad. I like doing things for other people but what I've learned is restraint and appropriateness, and that it's okay to give what I have available to give in terms of my time and energy, not to mention that it's okay to say "no" just because it's not convenient for me or I simply don't want to. Not every favor has to be granted, not everything has to be "the best" or "perfect" in my eyes. I don't have to be completely worn out to feel like I accomplished something and saying "no" doesn't make me a bad person or an ungenerous one. Those have been hard lessons for me to learn and, to be honest, I'm still learning them. It's very easy to slip into the old way of a lifetime of thinking.
That brings us to the new cakes. Last spring we had the family birthday party for my niece and nephew, Jordan and Isaac, whose birthdays are within days of each other. The party was lots of fun and because I was off work with my knee I had lots of time to play with. Their cakes were incredible, if I do say so myself. I spent at least 25 hours on the two of them combined and I was very pleased with the results. Because I wasn't working, I also had that time to spend. Great.
But that's not the case this time for the other two nieces', Sydney and Kaylee's, birthdays. I've worked all week and my knee has been killing me. Really. I've spent the last week not sleeping well because of my knee and spending most of my free time icing it down just so I could work. I literally did not have the time or the physical strength to put into these two cakes like I did Jordan and Isaac's, but you know what I learned? It's okay. The world didn't fall off its axis and nobody died of embarrassment over how these two cakes turned out. Not even me.
So here are the cakes and then I'll tell you how I did them. You'll know my secrets, even the one that had the whole family laughing out loud and fighting for one particular piece of Kaylee's cake.
By the way, the presents in the background covered in newspaper? Family joke. When my siblings and I were little we were so poor we couldn't afford to buy wrapping paper so all of our Christmas and birthday gifts were wrapped in the Sunday papers mom had friends save for her. I admit that as a kid I was embarrassed and jealous of the glossy wrapping papers of my friends but now as an adult we all laugh about it and call it "recycling". When I wrap in the cartoon pages, our kids love it. They think it's novel and fun and when we say the magic word "recycle" it becomes a badge of honor to them.
